Sand is everywhere, and we are the worse for it. Except you, Grandpa.

Clinton, WA

Man bun poems.  For sophisticated men only.

Untitled:

Learning Go is taking too long,
Always losing, change the song
to something I haven't heard before, add it to the playlist.

Untitled 2:

A jellyfish came to the beach with the tide,
it was a moon jelly.
I learned that from a book.
Yay, knowledge.

Untitled 3:

How many cars can park before there's trouble?
She is nine hours ahead in Spain.
When the tide comes, it's warm, with frothy bubbles.
Shallow bay, our hand-built island is gone.

Untitled 4:

(Special Guest Patrick)

I want a last snack.
A dessert.
I want a dessert.
 

Wonders Found in a Store Run by a Wanna-be Pirate

Garfield:

I saved a Post two weeks ago;

Mcdonalds Garfield, oh the joy it brought me. 

Today, 

as i waded through the Wanna-be Pirates clutter, It was Garfield who parted the seas. 

But not Mcdonalds Garfeild

Uncle Sam Garfield

God bless america and the wanna-be pirates who wish to go to Morroco

Wacky Head Interview #2

Today we are doing another interview with the famous author, singer, songwriter, actor, and ninja, Wacky Head (WH).
     I George Washington (GW), will be interviewing this star.


GW: "It is a pleasure to have you back, Wacky Head. How are you doing today?"
WH:  "Gewd"
GW: "Since you published your last book, Has any major changes occurred in your life?
WH: "Well, I don't know what your talking about, but me and my dad have to play Chronochrigger."
GW: " Oh, that's wonderful, speaking of games, what are some of the recreational activities you like to do when you have the chance?"
WH: "Oh sorry, this is how much fire iron man is shooting out."
GW: "How much fire?"
WH: "So much fire..."
GW: "Do you have any vacations planned for this summer?"
WH: "YEa, tomorrow, When I go to Los Angeles."
GW: "Why are you going to Los Angeles?"
WH: "Because Im going to meet my grandma, but I will miss you."
GW: "Great, Are you planning to publish any new books in the coming years?"
WH: " Uhhhhh, no I never do that..."
GW: " Then who wrote all the books you have made?"
WH: "No one, only the library" 
GW: "But what about all the books that have your name on them?"
WH: "Uhhhhh No one did it..."
GW: " Do you see your self still doing this in the future?"
WH: "Uhhh huhhh"
GW: Well that's great, Im looking forward to your future work. Do you mind giving us a short poem to end this interview?"
WH: "UHHHHH, I NEVER DO THAT! NEVER EVER!"
GW: Uhhhhh, okay then, well we seem to have run out of time. Till next time, Whacky Head."

Corn Forever

Poetry Smash #5

Untitled
 
Spirits. Corn.
I've been cutting everyone.
I think there's hard ground under here.
Doo Dee Dah

-Deedee

Corn Everywhere

Mosquitoast, delicious but itchy.
Every summer, I go to Jalanka city.

In the depths of my soul I have found,
I'm a chicken nugget, waiting to be eaten.

-Shelby Prior

Hangar Helicopter

Those are metal put them down.
Those who are not cool, have no stories.
Here, look at my face.

-Iron Man

A New Theory:

 Theory of the speed of corn:

Recent studies have shown what we have long suspected, that ears of corn are the fastest objects in the universe.  It must be faster than the speed of sound because corn grows in ears.  Corn jumps up quantum levels as it accelerates.  Getting into your eye faster than a photon. 

 

The Chaloopa Dilemma

Pelicarnassus, Picklestan

Look out your window, what do you see?  I see a little tree with a chaloopa.  And there, in that bush, there is another chaloopa. Thus, we have two chaloopas, a chaloopa dilemma if you will.  Which is the chaloopa of truth, garlic, and where did I leave my phone?

Don't give them broccoli, if they come to your house.

This can only lead to more violence, YAY!

PEW PEW PEW, SHHHHHHCKK, POW, BOOOM! SHAZAAAAM!

Now from our newest correspondent:

Ahhhhhh, Ahhh tih!
Ahhh ha!
Ahhh ha ha!
Dadooom.
Dada
Dada
*shakes head*
*raises arms*
Ehhh *hmfph*
Nana
*high pitched untranscriptable screech*

FOURF OF FULY!

AMERICA, AMERICA

Time, A MARE Uhhh KUUUUH!

Patriotic Song:

Once Upon a time... I was sitting in my room,
Eating some carrots when I heard a big booooom.

I looked out my window, and what did I see?
It may shock you, I've only seen them on TV.

Theeeeeeee.... Llama heads are coming!
The llama heads are coming!

Lock your doors and windows for,
the llama heads are coming.

Where did they come from?
No one knows for sure.
They say they started on a farm, 
built by Aaron Burr.

After the shame of killing, 
the one we all hold dear.
He built a farm to breed,
animals we fear.

Most of them didn't make it, 
like pigeon toed pigs,
but the llama heads did make it, 
And I cannot eat Bisquick
Because it is not food.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

 

DALLAS, TX

Wait a second, uhhh

Somebody went into a ... um ... a person on purpose.

A guy that punched his face every day.

Somebody went to the store and they ... bought 100 popsicles, and those popsicles had bugs on them.  Then he ate them and he said "mmmmm".  That's funny because he ate bugs.  Now he has West Nile Virus and his legs fell off.  Instead of legs he has brooms so he's a sweeper-person now.

Wherever he goes, everybody yells:  "Hey, sweeper-person, clean the road please!" and he becomes upset and decides to write a book about his broom feet.  He titled the book "Don't Judge a Book by it's Broom Feet".

And now first, for a poem

By Angelica Skyler

  When I was younger,
  I had to pee a lot.
  My mother was concerned,
  so she took me to the dock,
  where a boat saw me.  I was scared.
  For the world, for the peace of mind
  For my sweeper feet, may the broom bristles be ever stiff.
  May the Force be With You, and your ewoks productive in their slave farms

Now, time for DOG REVIEW:

First, let's review Penny:

Species: Dog
Special Move: Hip check
Weakness: Rolling over (cannot)
Flavor: Bacon salt with a hint of nutmeg
Collar color: Pewple

Next Up: Emilia

Species: Human
Special Move: shaking head no for everything
Weakness: Dogs
Flavor: mashed peas, and whatevers on the floor
Collar color: beige

Next Up: Baloo

Species: Wolf
Special Move: Monkey snarl with vampire teeth
Weakness: Penny's hip checks and collar
Flavor: Despair
Collar color: Not Applicable

Chihuahua's next Door:

Species: Rat
Special Move: Yipping
Weakness: Baloo
Flavor: Taco seasoning
Collar color: pizza

Jellycat:

Species: Demon
Special Move: Peeing on everything
Weakness: Seeing living things
Flavor: Pee
Collar Color: Cow

Poetry Corner

CAXAMBAS, FL

Welcome to another exclusive interview with the man behind the poems you and we all love to recite when the moon is just right and the cows are no longer our spleens, but rather our knees.

We are talking about the one, the only, Whacky Head

George Washington (GW): "So how did you get into poetry?"
Whacky Head (WH): "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow"
GW: "Any childhood trauma that contributes to your art?"
WH: "My favorite name is Whacky Head! Hey read this book to me!"

***Reading "Old Hat New Hat" By Stan and Jan Berenstain***

GW: "What is your favorite color"
WH: "Uhh, green"
GW: "Are you green with envy?"
WH: "I like green and blue?"
GW: "Hey Whacky Head, why do you like playing with those toys so much?"
WH: "Because I want to!"
GW: "Who is your role model?"
WH: "Mommy, what's a role model in baseball?"
GW: "Do you have diabetes?"
WH: "Nope, not yeeeet"
GW: "Is it hard for you to go out in public because you are so famous? Or do you just dress up in a chicken and you're fine?"
WH: "Yeah, I do"
GW: "You do what?"
WH: "I just do that"
GW: "Where is your favorite chicken costume store?"
WH: "Uhhh, a rooster."
GW: "What is your dream life?"
WH: "I love playing with Chloe and Gayland."
GW:  "If there was one thing if you could do to fix the world, what would it be?"
WH: "I do not know what I'm doing right now!"
GW: "How do you overcome writer's block?"
WH: "I just use daddy to help me"

Let's end with a poem:

"How to be good"
Clean up
Uhh, breakfast
I'm trying to build these right now
I just do not hit people
That's the end of the story
I love mommy

Home is where the spleen is

COWSBELL, MT

Lots of cows around here during this season of misfortune.  Cows have replaced spleens.  In all of us.  People have been going to the doctors asking for X rays, and they've been finding baby cow bells where their spleens should be.  And milk cartoons, chocolate milk especially.  Dr. Michigan says that you should dig by that tree to find your soul.  There is a hole right there, just make sure the dirt stays where all the dirt is.  This and only this is the way to get your spleen back.  The spleen is the tupperware container of the soul, filled with one third of a cup of apple juice if you are lucky.  If you are unlucky, that's where the cows come in.

Snack Time!  I'll be back in a second.  BARK BARK!

Dang it, I've turned into a dog again and it's really hard to type when you have flippers.tgrtiyk6dhbsrzynjsdliohvdi daidbva caiasia faiasiysai dgkbfak

I'm MELTING BACK INTO A JELLY fish.
Blooop bloop

Have I ever told you the story of my cousin? He's the heart scratcher.  Been doing this for 24 years, I reckon.  If you draw a picture of a heart, he'll find it and scratch it.  Free of charge, no questions asked you say? Of course we'll be back by Sunday, who wouldn't want a free tuna sandwhich when the moon is a full as a sunburned tomato.  Do you even understand what I'm trying to say? Do you?  Where is it, the Mayan calendar that you made out of papaya rinds and the sweet songs of old diabetic women?

One last go, the poetry SMASH:

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten!
Haha I was just counting
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten, eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen
By JT!

Because I wanted to be a whacker and I want to whack my head.  Then I said "Nothing!" But while it come it hurted.  Then it wasn't hurting anymore. That's the end of the story.

By, Eyedidd

Poetry corner #2, with Mr. Smash

Hello and welcome ladies and gentlemen,

Today we are going to have a soothing time, reading the poems that we've brought in today.  Let's start out with Star Wars, the Phantom Menace.

I love snow, I love rain,
I like water, and rain
The rain, the rain, the rain, the rain, the rain, the pain tamales inside me beckon
No more..... No more.

Another one, from Canada:

I'm boba fett, I want my space shuttle,
Do you know where my space shuttle is?
Hey, hey do you know where my space shuttle is?
Thwart the Queen of Evil Dragons

And another, from Missouri:

The parade is today.
My birthday is today.
Yay.

Here is a poem from Washington:

I like chicken, and chicken likes me.
Inside out chicken, is the place to be.
Chicken whispers in my brain,
telling me to Thwart the Queen of Evil Dragons

From Oregon:

Sick days make pick days. Pickle days are green. I've got a pickle on my computer screen.
Pickle the Dragon, Queen of the Thwart.  Pickle me this? Gymnastics of course!
Simple days jumping, among roads of gold.  Told me this softly, spoke Peter the old.
If you take a monster, and shun him up water. Canada Canada is not Harry Potter.

Merry Christmaslug!

DAYTON, OHIO

Ouchie ouchie, that's the other one, ouchie ouchie
Ouch! Ouch!
Put the other one down, right here!
No, put it AT me!
No, put it OUCHIE!
I know what we can do, we can put it SLIDE!
OUR SLIDE, help help
I know a better slide we can do!
This one, this one is better!
Do the blue one now!
AAAAAhhhhh, stop it ouchie ouchie!
I kicked your car.

I don't know, what can we do? I don't know what we can do. Flaaarrsssh nebar! That is the new soup brand that's sweeping the nation of Gonswela Revenge! My grandma bought the soup once, said my grandma.  It exploded her insides.  Don't buy it.

Do you want a couch purse in a tissue box? I got plenty of those, you can make ghosts out of it, it's lots of fun.  Some of my hobbies are: Making squids out of tentacles, and roses, and pulling teeth out of chairs.  Sometimes my doctor says that I have inflonia, which means I have inflonia, bad.  And my doctor is ..... tree bread.

OOOOOHHHH tree bread.  The best christmas slug.  I put you in a paper bowl made out of tiny shoes of my nephews.  You had a good life.  While it lasted.  We took a picture once, or rather, you took a picture of us, before it all happened.  What's that? I hear you.  It's like a whisper in the wind.  The wind of a diabetic zebra.

6/11/15

MR. FLAVER'S BACKYARD

The crippling dilemma of sewer rabbits.  On June 15th, exactly, 1997, four years ago, Mr. Flaver called the police and reported some sewer rabbits.  ABCs! ABCs! ABCs! ABCs!

It doesn't matter, that's not going to help.  We're talking about Mr. Flaver remember?  When the police came to their house, they found a carrot.  Not just any carrot, a neon toxic carrot.  Filled with drinkable sausages, radioactive iodine, and Native American chlorine. Everything about it wasn't bad, except that your insides would get cleaned out.

They immediately brought it to the lab, where Dr. McStuffins operated.  After further investigation, they discovered that these carrots-cheesepuffs-Native American Sausages were just the remnants of Dr. McStuffins lunch.

Now back to the present day.  The sewer rabbits are out of control.  They have built small cults and reside in country-side homes and plan for lizard people to take over the Earth, at least that's what the stars tell them.  They did pay us to put in an advertisement:

CALL 1800SEWERRABBITS! You will pay a down payment of 2 million dollars to go towards weaponry to fight the lizards that plan on destroying the world.

Sometimes my gorilla decides to eat some of my piccolo peppers pokokos, but you know, that's usual.  I eat them for breakfast every morning because they give me a BURST OF ENERGY.  So when he does that I have to take him to the doctor to get them out of him so that I can eat them.

This just in: our intern JT just spit up some carrots so he could eat them.  "OK", he replied to the question of "Baseball".

Now to sports with our new intern JT:
"Hit the ball. Hit, the ball! Hit the BALL! Hit the BALL!"
What happens when someone hits a ball do they get a home run? "Home run yes!

Alright, now it's time for POETRY SMASH:

Poem1:
The water down flows down the stream like pee trickling down my leg.
The moon howls at the flowers when they go: HOOT HOOT, HOOT HOOT

Poem 2:
When my cereal is no longer crunchy, depression grabs hold of my earlobe.
No soggy cereal, no soggy cereal, no soggy cereal
*The sound of window shutters blowing in the wind*

Poem 3:
Clip clop clip, the rip of the paper goes toqwaqwa
And my brother says Ooh la la
The sound of a ruler snapping on my eyelid

Poem 4:
Crunch crunch crunch
OK yes

Yakima, WA

The following special is by our new intern JT, being interviewed by veteran reporter George Washington:

JT: "ABCs! ABCs! Sorry! Cats! Apple Juice!" *Slurping sounds for 2 minutes*

George Washington:  "So JT, what's your favorite kind of apple  juice?

JT:  "(unintelligible) .... dat one!"

GW:  "OK, so who is your best friend?"

JT: "All done! All done!" (Starts spilling juice on table) "ABCs! STOP! Fun, A B Ceees! A B Ceeees! Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse! Yes! Pet, Mickey Mouse.  

GW: "Do you like bananas?"

JT: "Yes! Banas! Yes Banas! Baloo lick it.  Baloo lick it. (JT licks the banana).  Baloo lick it!

GW: "Do you play any sports? Do you play baseball?"
JT: "Baseball? YES! Baseball? YES!"

JT: "Doggy outside! Doggy outside! Doggy outside! Doggy outside! Doggy outside! Doggy outside! Doggy outside! (laughs) Doggy outside! Doggy woof! Doggy outside! Doggy outside!"

JT: "Doggy doggy doggy!"

GW: "Are you going to clean the floors for us?"

JT: "Yes!"

GW: "Well this has been a nice interview."

THE MOON

Publisher Michael Hopscotch

JUST IN - We landed on the moon, it's cold up in here!  Very cold, make sure you buy some fuzzy socks from the moon store.  Anybody can get up in here if you believe in yourself. 

My brother, was a kind, thoughtful, ugly man.  He liked to ride giraffes in the sunset.  Then he died in 1594, that was a sad day.  And I'll never forget him.  Never ever. 

We had his funeral in the Cholula Hot Sauce Factory.  He loves hot sauce, I mean, loved hot sauce.  No, he's not alive, or in my closet like I already said.

*There are muffled thumps from the closet*

SHUT UP!  That was my cat.  He's a little rascal, he he he he he he he. 

Now, I've always dreamed of opening my old shop, called Burgerboy Fatburger Diabetes.  It's a catchy name isn't it?  Everything we make will kill you, I mean, make you live.  Come on down to Burgerboy Fatburger Diabetes.  It will NOT kill you.

And no, I am not a murderer. 

There's a BABY in here!  I like elevators. 

Halleluja! Halleluja!

Beep beep beep beep bip bip

Hurhurhuhhur.  Stop texting me. Okaaay! So. Sometimes people like to sniff pineapples, but then AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.  I miss you a lot, like a lot! Awwwww, tykes. Um um, so just in breaking news:  My cat got super powers.  Now it can lift up blueberries.  So strong! Are my pants inside out? Um, I don’t know. Stop it! I need to think! 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (as a bee goes on my eye).  David, what you doing? Me tooooO! As a bee goes on my eye (hahaha).  I don’t even rememver this, how did we get this candle thing? This thing is ginormous and such a waste of space.

It’s time for sing song time, with your host: FlubbyJubby Jr! 

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey!  Are you busy? And I said no.
Then move the button with your right arm!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your left arm!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your right leg!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your left leg!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your head!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with. Alright sorry, beep beep beep bip bip beep.

MASACHUSETTS, OH-Sometimes I just think about whales, and every time I do, I think about whales that poop their pants.  I just looked on the calendar and saw that it is May 31, 2032.  Every time I look at that calendar I think about whales, because my calendar is whale themed.  And, everytime I think about whales I think about the president or the mayor.  And I remember, his, awesome words, REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!

And everytime I think about washing my toes I think about the little people that live in my toes. Ahhh, let’s change the subject.  How yo doin, how ya doin?  How. Ya. Doing?  Nobody is answering.  WHO’S PLAYING CROSSING ROADS????! MAX!!

The hippopotamus, likes, to, eat my bacon. 
My bacon, my bacon, my bacon.
So good, so good, so gooooooooddd!

The last time the mayor spoke it was about poetry.  This time it is about bomb poetry.  Take your bombs with you and you have to say your poetry fast before the bomb explodes.  We have the contestants, here they are:

1.       Creepy Horse Dude with a Baby on His Stomach (and not inside, on it!)

2.       Poopy-Face McGee (Jr)

3.       The Potato Man David

4.       Shark Table

5.       Not Bob

6.       Tubing Sunflower

7.       Inulin the White Knight of Diabetic Whales

8.       AHAAAHAHAHHAHAHA … Pft

9.       OKTHATSALL

So, I hope you come tonight because everything is going to blow up and you’ll die.  Some encouraging words from your mayor:  I KNOW I SAID TO WASH YOUR TOES, BUT, ALSO WASH YOUR FINGERS BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S ON THERE.  AND WASH YOUR TOES, AND YOUR HAIR.  TAKE A BATH SOMETIME AND EAT SOME BABY HANDS.

Speaking of baby hands, we have a baby hands eating contest.  If your bring something else other than baby hands they will kick you out with a poetry bomb.

i see a baby neeeer hld on baby waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i did not leave you silly kiss kiss kis i had to move the sun show me you walking yucky yucky that is pretty much ssaid ever since i learned engish in the eith grage.

Ruba dub a dub a dub.

The snow looks kind of weird down here.  Rug bug tug lug mug.  Sometimes people just don't know how people don't know stuff, you know?  Just remember that you can never be like Winnie the Pooh.  Only Winnie the Pooh can be like Tigger.  Which is a totally different thing in the world of Minecraft, because, you know. /

Baby food is very good for the intestines, I know because I've ate it before.  I know because it makes bubbles and the cats are waiting for.  ...... your intestines.  Don't eat that flower baby, don't eat that flower. 

My sister once told me that frog legs were actually your eyeballs in another parallel universe.  But she's wrong, their actually giraffe horns.  Don't EAT that FLOWER, baby!

I don't know, I'll make something else up.  My brother and my grand-parallelogram gran sibling can eat 12 hotdogs in 40 hours.  Don't eat that flower BABY!

One time my uncle had to go the hospital for no apparenent hospital! DON'T DIE ON ME CHILD!

SOUTH CAROLINA

Just in. 

"I was just walking inside and I saw something different" said Amelia Poopy. "I saw my cat doing yoga while knitting some panty-hos.  Then I got a call from the mayor who said 'Remember to wash your toes!'". 

A baby started yelling at the news reporter as he was typing this.  He is dancing, a beautiful baby dance.  Call the cops because baby dancing is illegal to two states, and this ain't one of them partner. 

The baby was dancing so hard that pee was dripping out of his diaper.  Droplets splattered on the ground.

Peanut Butter Nuggets With a Baseball Bat and Take Me Out to the Ball Game and I Will Always Love YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Beans of number 2

THE UNDERWORLD, MR. FLOPPY PANTS

Watch your children closely, they're trying to steal my sunglasses.  The acid rain has been burning my hair off slowly.  I've almost lost my dimples!  I'm in prison because I stole a toilet and didn't flush it.  Let's make a camera, we can make masks.  No, we don't need it, it can be black you can hear our voices. 

Don't put my name down.  Oh wait you're writing that?  Sorry.  Norshhh see puuutteeee doodee dooodeeee!  Can I show you a funny YouTube video?  No more weird noises!  NEVER WASH YOUR COOKIES IN THE SHOWER.  We all know that they are supposed to be washed in the bathtubrugboat.  I am a walrus, a beautiful walrus that does hip hop does hip hop.

Walrus Rap:

I'm a walrus
I'm a walrus
I'm kind of fat but that's ok
I eat low calorie things every day.

Try to catch to me bro', I'm so fast I'm like falling snow, wait that's slow!  Oh no!
Don't miss your belly button, I know you sometimes forget it's there,
because all my hairy chest hair is there.

Sometimes I imagine myself as pretty as an elf on a shelf.
Sometimes when I go to sleep I know people are whispering:
"FEET"
"FEET"
"FEET"

MEMPHIS, TEXAS (The one on the Moon, in case you're confused)

We're all wondering what happened three years ago when the meteor full of Barbie limbs floated down and devastated our town.  The Mayor: "REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!". 

-Quick, someone grab that guy, he's crazy!  He's got a rubber ducky filled with poison and he's pointing it at his armpit. 

On another note PHILADELPHIA IS GROWING POTATOES FROM THEIR TOENAILS. 
UH OH!!!  My cat just died.  (Stupid armpit rubber ducky).

"Hey, you owe me a new kitty!"  The Mayor: "REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!"

-Oh no!  He escaped the lunatic asylum and has cardboard cereal boxes taped to his shins so we can't kick him!

Kaloshi nadurdee, that is Spanish for "Toothpaste on my bathtub rugtugboat"

Big fish, little fish. There's no difference except that they're older than each other.  Remember cowbells can't count their ABCs. And here's a belated Christmas gift tip: Caution, it is num num bum.

Now we leave you with this song:
MOMMY DADDY SOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGG!
Once more louder:
MOOOOMMMMMMYTYTYY DADDDDYYYYY SOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG!!!!!!

Christmas Won!

Santa Claus was on his way to the North Pole when he ate a pie and died.  Who will take his place?  There will be elections this Saturday, don't eat pie, that's how he died!  Fat babies will take over the world and the snowmen will dissolve and make children.  Blueberry Pie!  Now you write some stuff.  Ple-ase! 

Why?  Why mother why do you make me wash my toes and eat my boogers?  Do not watch Teletubbies George Washington!!!!! That's all.