THE MOON

Publisher Michael Hopscotch

JUST IN - We landed on the moon, it's cold up in here!  Very cold, make sure you buy some fuzzy socks from the moon store.  Anybody can get up in here if you believe in yourself. 

My brother, was a kind, thoughtful, ugly man.  He liked to ride giraffes in the sunset.  Then he died in 1594, that was a sad day.  And I'll never forget him.  Never ever. 

We had his funeral in the Cholula Hot Sauce Factory.  He loves hot sauce, I mean, loved hot sauce.  No, he's not alive, or in my closet like I already said.

*There are muffled thumps from the closet*

SHUT UP!  That was my cat.  He's a little rascal, he he he he he he he. 

Now, I've always dreamed of opening my old shop, called Burgerboy Fatburger Diabetes.  It's a catchy name isn't it?  Everything we make will kill you, I mean, make you live.  Come on down to Burgerboy Fatburger Diabetes.  It will NOT kill you.

And no, I am not a murderer. 

There's a BABY in here!  I like elevators. 

Halleluja! Halleluja!

Beep beep beep beep bip bip

Hurhurhuhhur.  Stop texting me. Okaaay! So. Sometimes people like to sniff pineapples, but then AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.  I miss you a lot, like a lot! Awwwww, tykes. Um um, so just in breaking news:  My cat got super powers.  Now it can lift up blueberries.  So strong! Are my pants inside out? Um, I don’t know. Stop it! I need to think! 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (as a bee goes on my eye).  David, what you doing? Me tooooO! As a bee goes on my eye (hahaha).  I don’t even rememver this, how did we get this candle thing? This thing is ginormous and such a waste of space.

It’s time for sing song time, with your host: FlubbyJubby Jr! 

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey!  Are you busy? And I said no.
Then move the button with your right arm!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your left arm!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your right leg!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your left leg!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with your head!

Hey, my name is Jill, and I work at the button factory.
The other day, my boss said Hey! Are you busy? And I said No!
Then move the button with. Alright sorry, beep beep beep bip bip beep.

MASACHUSETTS, OH-Sometimes I just think about whales, and every time I do, I think about whales that poop their pants.  I just looked on the calendar and saw that it is May 31, 2032.  Every time I look at that calendar I think about whales, because my calendar is whale themed.  And, everytime I think about whales I think about the president or the mayor.  And I remember, his, awesome words, REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!

And everytime I think about washing my toes I think about the little people that live in my toes. Ahhh, let’s change the subject.  How yo doin, how ya doin?  How. Ya. Doing?  Nobody is answering.  WHO’S PLAYING CROSSING ROADS????! MAX!!

The hippopotamus, likes, to, eat my bacon. 
My bacon, my bacon, my bacon.
So good, so good, so gooooooooddd!

The last time the mayor spoke it was about poetry.  This time it is about bomb poetry.  Take your bombs with you and you have to say your poetry fast before the bomb explodes.  We have the contestants, here they are:

1.       Creepy Horse Dude with a Baby on His Stomach (and not inside, on it!)

2.       Poopy-Face McGee (Jr)

3.       The Potato Man David

4.       Shark Table

5.       Not Bob

6.       Tubing Sunflower

7.       Inulin the White Knight of Diabetic Whales

8.       AHAAAHAHAHHAHAHA … Pft

9.       OKTHATSALL

So, I hope you come tonight because everything is going to blow up and you’ll die.  Some encouraging words from your mayor:  I KNOW I SAID TO WASH YOUR TOES, BUT, ALSO WASH YOUR FINGERS BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S ON THERE.  AND WASH YOUR TOES, AND YOUR HAIR.  TAKE A BATH SOMETIME AND EAT SOME BABY HANDS.

Speaking of baby hands, we have a baby hands eating contest.  If your bring something else other than baby hands they will kick you out with a poetry bomb.

i see a baby neeeer hld on baby waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i did not leave you silly kiss kiss kis i had to move the sun show me you walking yucky yucky that is pretty much ssaid ever since i learned engish in the eith grage.

Ruba dub a dub a dub.

The snow looks kind of weird down here.  Rug bug tug lug mug.  Sometimes people just don't know how people don't know stuff, you know?  Just remember that you can never be like Winnie the Pooh.  Only Winnie the Pooh can be like Tigger.  Which is a totally different thing in the world of Minecraft, because, you know. /

Baby food is very good for the intestines, I know because I've ate it before.  I know because it makes bubbles and the cats are waiting for.  ...... your intestines.  Don't eat that flower baby, don't eat that flower. 

My sister once told me that frog legs were actually your eyeballs in another parallel universe.  But she's wrong, their actually giraffe horns.  Don't EAT that FLOWER, baby!

I don't know, I'll make something else up.  My brother and my grand-parallelogram gran sibling can eat 12 hotdogs in 40 hours.  Don't eat that flower BABY!

One time my uncle had to go the hospital for no apparenent hospital! DON'T DIE ON ME CHILD!

SOUTH CAROLINA

Just in. 

"I was just walking inside and I saw something different" said Amelia Poopy. "I saw my cat doing yoga while knitting some panty-hos.  Then I got a call from the mayor who said 'Remember to wash your toes!'". 

A baby started yelling at the news reporter as he was typing this.  He is dancing, a beautiful baby dance.  Call the cops because baby dancing is illegal to two states, and this ain't one of them partner. 

The baby was dancing so hard that pee was dripping out of his diaper.  Droplets splattered on the ground.

Peanut Butter Nuggets With a Baseball Bat and Take Me Out to the Ball Game and I Will Always Love YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Beans of number 2

THE UNDERWORLD, MR. FLOPPY PANTS

Watch your children closely, they're trying to steal my sunglasses.  The acid rain has been burning my hair off slowly.  I've almost lost my dimples!  I'm in prison because I stole a toilet and didn't flush it.  Let's make a camera, we can make masks.  No, we don't need it, it can be black you can hear our voices. 

Don't put my name down.  Oh wait you're writing that?  Sorry.  Norshhh see puuutteeee doodee dooodeeee!  Can I show you a funny YouTube video?  No more weird noises!  NEVER WASH YOUR COOKIES IN THE SHOWER.  We all know that they are supposed to be washed in the bathtubrugboat.  I am a walrus, a beautiful walrus that does hip hop does hip hop.

Walrus Rap:

I'm a walrus
I'm a walrus
I'm kind of fat but that's ok
I eat low calorie things every day.

Try to catch to me bro', I'm so fast I'm like falling snow, wait that's slow!  Oh no!
Don't miss your belly button, I know you sometimes forget it's there,
because all my hairy chest hair is there.

Sometimes I imagine myself as pretty as an elf on a shelf.
Sometimes when I go to sleep I know people are whispering:
"FEET"
"FEET"
"FEET"

MEMPHIS, TEXAS (The one on the Moon, in case you're confused)

We're all wondering what happened three years ago when the meteor full of Barbie limbs floated down and devastated our town.  The Mayor: "REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!". 

-Quick, someone grab that guy, he's crazy!  He's got a rubber ducky filled with poison and he's pointing it at his armpit. 

On another note PHILADELPHIA IS GROWING POTATOES FROM THEIR TOENAILS. 
UH OH!!!  My cat just died.  (Stupid armpit rubber ducky).

"Hey, you owe me a new kitty!"  The Mayor: "REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR TOES!"

-Oh no!  He escaped the lunatic asylum and has cardboard cereal boxes taped to his shins so we can't kick him!

Kaloshi nadurdee, that is Spanish for "Toothpaste on my bathtub rugtugboat"

Big fish, little fish. There's no difference except that they're older than each other.  Remember cowbells can't count their ABCs. And here's a belated Christmas gift tip: Caution, it is num num bum.

Now we leave you with this song:
MOMMY DADDY SOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGG!
Once more louder:
MOOOOMMMMMMYTYTYY DADDDDYYYYY SOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG!!!!!!