Sand is everywhere, and we are the worse for it. Except you, Grandpa.

Clinton, WA

Man bun poems.  For sophisticated men only.

Untitled:

Learning Go is taking too long,
Always losing, change the song
to something I haven't heard before, add it to the playlist.

Untitled 2:

A jellyfish came to the beach with the tide,
it was a moon jelly.
I learned that from a book.
Yay, knowledge.

Untitled 3:

How many cars can park before there's trouble?
She is nine hours ahead in Spain.
When the tide comes, it's warm, with frothy bubbles.
Shallow bay, our hand-built island is gone.

Untitled 4:

(Special Guest Patrick)

I want a last snack.
A dessert.
I want a dessert.
 

Wonders Found in a Store Run by a Wanna-be Pirate

Garfield:

I saved a Post two weeks ago;

Mcdonalds Garfield, oh the joy it brought me. 

Today, 

as i waded through the Wanna-be Pirates clutter, It was Garfield who parted the seas. 

But not Mcdonalds Garfeild

Uncle Sam Garfield

God bless america and the wanna-be pirates who wish to go to Morroco

Wacky Head Interview #2

Today we are doing another interview with the famous author, singer, songwriter, actor, and ninja, Wacky Head (WH).
     I George Washington (GW), will be interviewing this star.


GW: "It is a pleasure to have you back, Wacky Head. How are you doing today?"
WH:  "Gewd"
GW: "Since you published your last book, Has any major changes occurred in your life?
WH: "Well, I don't know what your talking about, but me and my dad have to play Chronochrigger."
GW: " Oh, that's wonderful, speaking of games, what are some of the recreational activities you like to do when you have the chance?"
WH: "Oh sorry, this is how much fire iron man is shooting out."
GW: "How much fire?"
WH: "So much fire..."
GW: "Do you have any vacations planned for this summer?"
WH: "YEa, tomorrow, When I go to Los Angeles."
GW: "Why are you going to Los Angeles?"
WH: "Because Im going to meet my grandma, but I will miss you."
GW: "Great, Are you planning to publish any new books in the coming years?"
WH: " Uhhhhh, no I never do that..."
GW: " Then who wrote all the books you have made?"
WH: "No one, only the library" 
GW: "But what about all the books that have your name on them?"
WH: "Uhhhhh No one did it..."
GW: " Do you see your self still doing this in the future?"
WH: "Uhhh huhhh"
GW: Well that's great, Im looking forward to your future work. Do you mind giving us a short poem to end this interview?"
WH: "UHHHHH, I NEVER DO THAT! NEVER EVER!"
GW: Uhhhhh, okay then, well we seem to have run out of time. Till next time, Whacky Head."

Corn Forever

Poetry Smash #5

Untitled
 
Spirits. Corn.
I've been cutting everyone.
I think there's hard ground under here.
Doo Dee Dah

-Deedee

Corn Everywhere

Mosquitoast, delicious but itchy.
Every summer, I go to Jalanka city.

In the depths of my soul I have found,
I'm a chicken nugget, waiting to be eaten.

-Shelby Prior

Hangar Helicopter

Those are metal put them down.
Those who are not cool, have no stories.
Here, look at my face.

-Iron Man

A New Theory:

 Theory of the speed of corn:

Recent studies have shown what we have long suspected, that ears of corn are the fastest objects in the universe.  It must be faster than the speed of sound because corn grows in ears.  Corn jumps up quantum levels as it accelerates.  Getting into your eye faster than a photon. 

 

The Chaloopa Dilemma

Pelicarnassus, Picklestan

Look out your window, what do you see?  I see a little tree with a chaloopa.  And there, in that bush, there is another chaloopa. Thus, we have two chaloopas, a chaloopa dilemma if you will.  Which is the chaloopa of truth, garlic, and where did I leave my phone?

Don't give them broccoli, if they come to your house.

This can only lead to more violence, YAY!

PEW PEW PEW, SHHHHHHCKK, POW, BOOOM! SHAZAAAAM!

Now from our newest correspondent:

Ahhhhhh, Ahhh tih!
Ahhh ha!
Ahhh ha ha!
Dadooom.
Dada
Dada
*shakes head*
*raises arms*
Ehhh *hmfph*
Nana
*high pitched untranscriptable screech*

FOURF OF FULY!

AMERICA, AMERICA

Time, A MARE Uhhh KUUUUH!

Patriotic Song:

Once Upon a time... I was sitting in my room,
Eating some carrots when I heard a big booooom.

I looked out my window, and what did I see?
It may shock you, I've only seen them on TV.

Theeeeeeee.... Llama heads are coming!
The llama heads are coming!

Lock your doors and windows for,
the llama heads are coming.

Where did they come from?
No one knows for sure.
They say they started on a farm, 
built by Aaron Burr.

After the shame of killing, 
the one we all hold dear.
He built a farm to breed,
animals we fear.

Most of them didn't make it, 
like pigeon toed pigs,
but the llama heads did make it, 
And I cannot eat Bisquick
Because it is not food.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

 

DALLAS, TX

Wait a second, uhhh

Somebody went into a ... um ... a person on purpose.

A guy that punched his face every day.

Somebody went to the store and they ... bought 100 popsicles, and those popsicles had bugs on them.  Then he ate them and he said "mmmmm".  That's funny because he ate bugs.  Now he has West Nile Virus and his legs fell off.  Instead of legs he has brooms so he's a sweeper-person now.

Wherever he goes, everybody yells:  "Hey, sweeper-person, clean the road please!" and he becomes upset and decides to write a book about his broom feet.  He titled the book "Don't Judge a Book by it's Broom Feet".

And now first, for a poem

By Angelica Skyler

  When I was younger,
  I had to pee a lot.
  My mother was concerned,
  so she took me to the dock,
  where a boat saw me.  I was scared.
  For the world, for the peace of mind
  For my sweeper feet, may the broom bristles be ever stiff.
  May the Force be With You, and your ewoks productive in their slave farms

Now, time for DOG REVIEW:

First, let's review Penny:

Species: Dog
Special Move: Hip check
Weakness: Rolling over (cannot)
Flavor: Bacon salt with a hint of nutmeg
Collar color: Pewple

Next Up: Emilia

Species: Human
Special Move: shaking head no for everything
Weakness: Dogs
Flavor: mashed peas, and whatevers on the floor
Collar color: beige

Next Up: Baloo

Species: Wolf
Special Move: Monkey snarl with vampire teeth
Weakness: Penny's hip checks and collar
Flavor: Despair
Collar color: Not Applicable

Chihuahua's next Door:

Species: Rat
Special Move: Yipping
Weakness: Baloo
Flavor: Taco seasoning
Collar color: pizza

Jellycat:

Species: Demon
Special Move: Peeing on everything
Weakness: Seeing living things
Flavor: Pee
Collar Color: Cow

Poetry Corner

CAXAMBAS, FL

Welcome to another exclusive interview with the man behind the poems you and we all love to recite when the moon is just right and the cows are no longer our spleens, but rather our knees.

We are talking about the one, the only, Whacky Head

George Washington (GW): "So how did you get into poetry?"
Whacky Head (WH): "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow"
GW: "Any childhood trauma that contributes to your art?"
WH: "My favorite name is Whacky Head! Hey read this book to me!"

***Reading "Old Hat New Hat" By Stan and Jan Berenstain***

GW: "What is your favorite color"
WH: "Uhh, green"
GW: "Are you green with envy?"
WH: "I like green and blue?"
GW: "Hey Whacky Head, why do you like playing with those toys so much?"
WH: "Because I want to!"
GW: "Who is your role model?"
WH: "Mommy, what's a role model in baseball?"
GW: "Do you have diabetes?"
WH: "Nope, not yeeeet"
GW: "Is it hard for you to go out in public because you are so famous? Or do you just dress up in a chicken and you're fine?"
WH: "Yeah, I do"
GW: "You do what?"
WH: "I just do that"
GW: "Where is your favorite chicken costume store?"
WH: "Uhhh, a rooster."
GW: "What is your dream life?"
WH: "I love playing with Chloe and Gayland."
GW:  "If there was one thing if you could do to fix the world, what would it be?"
WH: "I do not know what I'm doing right now!"
GW: "How do you overcome writer's block?"
WH: "I just use daddy to help me"

Let's end with a poem:

"How to be good"
Clean up
Uhh, breakfast
I'm trying to build these right now
I just do not hit people
That's the end of the story
I love mommy