YOGURT TOWN

Have you ever wondered why Greek Yogurt tastes so watery?  Where we have a solution for you.  Scientists have just discovered that there are Nico nuts that can be found in dishwashers, but only in a special dishwasher swiffer.  This is because of the golf course nuts that are glow-in-the-dark.  Let your pumpkins be free from slavery.  We already have stabbed a knife in them after all.

Now watch the clock, it says "pooh pooh" because nobody likes pears.  Innertubing can be like pioneers, eating food but that's all.

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Poetry slam this afternoon!
-People that are doing stuff here.
-Micherrkerkin
-Myley Cyrus
-Nashooshoo
-Napoleon Llama Socks
-Lucas Medalis
-Feefee Phiphi
-Slavery
-Binkies Bolognas

Ok that's all

PHILADELPHIA

One time a lion told me that penguins eat socks. So that means we are Christmas meat.  Dish soap kills your brain cell, and if a monkey watches you in your sleep always eat my bologna.  Sometimes gorillas play golf but sometimes they get it stuck in their noses.  The pioneers go washing their Christmas trees in the lake of secret .... ness.  Never eat apple products.  Whenever you see a kitty, eat it.  Make a robot and then play football with a penguin.  Hide in a Christmas cradle while you sip on your killing knife.  Never be a doctor because you eat your blood.  Ninety nine nine nine is a cursing number.  Darth Vader sometimes can eat bologna but only at a picnic.  Only go in the shame corner if you have a mustache.  I never watch Teletubbies, you WILL BE SCARRED!

-This advice brought to you by our intrepid reporter Tycho Brahe

PORTLAND, OR

Police are saying that they have a new lead in the crime story of the month here in this sleepy Northwest town.  Put down your nutlet's children, lest you drop gravy on your chinos.  We interviewed Curate Manchunger:

"Billy Thomas, you jerk.  You knew I left my platinum dipped ducksauce tongs outside by the back steps and you stole them from me.  Well the joke is on you, because they were actually the knuckles of a Rubic's Cube."

Attempts to confirm the theft were not met with much success. It took this reporter 20 minutes of vigorous visual inspection of the police chief before we realized that it was just a propped up mop with a badge duck taped to it.  This is because my eyes are made of jelly and are slowly dripping, dripping over years.

CANT GET OUT HELP HELP HELP!  MY UNDERWATER SPEAKERS ARE OIL FILLED!