GALACTIC NEWS

TROUBLE WITH FANGS

Ohio-
Last night Sally Richard was getting into bed, when she heard a odd noise coming from downstairs. "It sounded like MARRRRROOWWWW ", said Sally's husband Jim. She grabbed her toaster, a worthy weapon to fight off intruders. "Toasters are a gift sent from above", said Jim and Sally's hamster (at least that was what we think he was saying). Well back to the story! Sally held her toaster with confidence as she headed down the stairs. She saw a shadow whirl by and smelt bum, bum. Two large red eyes glowed in the darkness. Sally knew it exactly what it was! A LEMPIRE!! The most lazy of all the demons! ( A lemur mixed with a vampire... come on people use your brains!) Right about then...HEY! Are you listening?! OK, people, right about then, the Lempire grabbed a dish of precise waffles and flung them at Sally. She screamed out in terror over the loss of her beloved waffles. Jim woke to the painful sound of delicious waffles hitting the cold floor. "They can still be salvaged!", he screamed as he ran to Sally's side. with all the commotion, the couple failed to see that the Lempire had stolen their toothbrushes and escaped. This poor household lost so much during this eventful night. "I don't know what were going to do", Sally told the press. "We just really need to go to the grocery store."


Breaking News

Scientist have just proven that sloths actually run on a slower time scale than the rest of the world.

Have you ever heard the term "lazy as a sloth" or just watched a sloth at the zoo slowly move to feed themselves? No one questioned these movements until Sir Reginal Pumpernickel came forward with the report of his most recent study. Having strapped a pocket watch to each of his sloth patients, he found himself consistently having to change the time on the clock to account for the watches always running behind. At first this was chalked up to a magnetic disturbance within the laboratory setting, but after numerous test showing that this was not the case, the light bulb went off in Dr. Pumpernickle's head, "what if this was not just a random act, but if time actually ran differently for the sloths and in their minds, they were really running "on time"". When he brought forth his theory he was instantly rejected from the scientific community. In fact his house was burned down and all of his bathtubs where filled with hamster droppings...a sign of full, utterly complete rejection in the scientific community.  Nothing could be done.... so Pumpernickle moved to Mexico.